11:23 pm letter

Could this be another change – The Samples

Dear friend,

I have seen things in my life. Elders being picked on by youngsters, priests helping a homeless man having a seizure, girls kissing, a crying teacher, a wounded dog, a child in the dirty water of the underground canal, smiling babies, a proud father, a crying mother, pink nipples, running hawkers, dried leaves flying, dead trees moving, a black dog with its newborn puppies, a red-eyed rabbit, a green-loving tortoise, a mother insulted by her daughter, half-tanned boobs of a stranger,  a tourist removing her panties in the sea, and the light coming through leaves as the sun rose. I just don’t think that I know life yet. Maybe a small part of it. A beautiful part of it. However, death seems to be a calm alternative as well. When I see the horror that human beings are capable of doing I wonder, maybe we are better off all dead. Such atrocities should not be allowed. We all have some kind of horrifying story in our life. To what degree I don’t know. My life has been pretty idle, pretty normal. I guess that explains my inability to see atrocities as a mere part of life. I wonder, are atrocities considered atrocities because society decided so? If there were no society, no rules, no norms, no values, and there were just, us. These ‘atrocities’ would still be there, except, they would only be seen as occurrences, made possible by our own very existence. So, maybe death is the solution. Death is calm, soundless. It is inevitable, and probably better for everyone.

On the other hand, there is life. Life is the wind blowing straight to your face, it is you closing your eyes as you spread your arms wide open, feeling the light on your shoulders. Life is freedom. I guess our choices define who we are. You know, choosing is way harder than just, Being. Being is like going with the flow, careless about the outcome, just enjoying whatever comes our way. Whereas choosing, choosing is choosing where to pinpoint our stream, where we want to go, and who we want to be. It is much more difficult to put ourselves out there than waiting for others to do that in our place. But when you’re a 18 year old ‘adult’ like me, you wished you could return to the time when forgetting things was the worst that could happen to you, and not the best.

I really don’t know what’s got into me, always writing letters. I guess they’re my alternative to speaking alone. At least my mother won’t listen behind the door or my sister surprising me by my window. Writing letters is much less embarrassing. You could at least pretend you’re writing an essay or something. I wonder why I’m so open. I never really was. I always kept a facade, thinking I knew what I was doing, thinking people liked it. They hated it. They still do. And I don’t really give a damn about it. Negative people belong to the thrash. I’m no better, I know, you know that. But I guess having a dark side doesn’t prevent us from seeing the darkness in others right? We see it in others, because we can recognize it. The only difference is whether you know how to pull yourself out of it or not.

The only way to go in life is forward. Thinking about the past is pointless. Memories have an effect on you when they’re worth remembering. The worst thing for someone is using his present to think about the past. It’s like rewinding the first half of a movie over and over again in your head while the second half is playing just in front of your eyes and you’re too busy remembering to notice anything. It’s hard though, not thinking about the past. It always manages to grab you and shove down your throat memories you don’t want to remember.

But everything happens for a reason. I’ve always fiercely believed in this. Anything and anyone, all heartbreaks and refusals and pain, everything has a purpose.  It may have multiple purposes as well, you just need to be open minded enough to let it in. Sad are the people who think that their life brings them nowhere. It is even worse for those who do not notice the little things and focus on the big picture. They are bound to live in a spiraling life of undeserved misery. I blame it on the materialistic nature of modern-day society. They always seem to squeeze their lemon-prejudiced acid on us, the salad before the meat. Social networking has made it even more sour, cultivating fallacy, pushing back the bounds of human decency, encouraging the outrageous hypocrisy of human identity. Duck faces have replaced values and The Biebs has replaced The rolling stones. May God forgive us.

Anyway, it is late, I may come back later.

Good night.

Ana.

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